This week our book takes a look at marriage and the family from a Christian perspective. Since we are discussing family violence in class, I wanted to address the section in the chapter entitled, “Abusive Parents.” In this section, the author refers to the believe that to spare the rod is to spoil the child. Currently, the issue of corporal punishment (spanking) is a hot debate. The AmericanAcademy of Pediatrics has taken a public stand against corporal punishment. A well-known sociologist from the Family Violence Center at the University of New Hampshire, by the name of Murray Straus, also has researched the effects of corporal punishment within the family. His findings support the idea that corporal punishment can be detrimental to a child’s well-being. This is a topic that most of us have very strong feelings about and most of those feelings come from the fact that we were spanked as children, and since we are all ok, then spanking must be ok. I am not an advocate of using spanking as a method of discipline. That does not mean that I think children should not be disciplined – I absolutely believe that children MUST be disciplined. However, I fear that spanking children is the least effective way to accomplish what most parents desire to teach. We know the Bible proverb about sparing the rod, but does that actually mean we are to beat our children with sticks? Since most of us would not do that, then I believe the principle being taught in this proverb is that we are to effectively parent our children and teach them self-control. I spanked my children very few times when they were growing up and if I had it to do allover again, I would not spank at all.
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23 responses so far ↓
Kristen Doles // April 2, 2007 at 7:56 pm
While I agree that the verse in Proverbs is not specifically clear about the method of discipline, I am still not quick to condemn spanking. Yes, I was spanked as a child, as well as gentle prodded and “talked to.” All of these methods, and others, were specific to the situation and necessary for the form of punishment or guidance as needed at that time. I think that every child is different and different disciplinary situations require different punishments. I don’t believe that spanking is wrong or bad, and there are certainly times when I chindren need a good spanking.
Angela Horning // April 2, 2007 at 8:04 pm
I was spanked as a child and so were my siblings and while spankings never really served to deter me from doing “bad” things it did my brother. So I think it depends on what works for what child. Sometimes mom and dad would talk to us, scold us, spank us, or make us do extra chores. It depended on what we had done. I don’t think there is anything wrong with spanking a child… as long as it is done in moderation and in love. I do agree with Kristen that sometimes a good spanking is needed.
Daniel Cho // April 2, 2007 at 8:19 pm
First of all, I was also spanked since I was living in a society that required high expectation and dicipline of the children. However, even I do not know much about child education, I do not think spanking is the best method to dicipline a child because if I start to spank my child I will need more and more spanks next time to dicipline the children. I know that there could be some time that I should stop the child from doing wrong things, however I want to try to have patience and expain the child why it is wrong even he or she might not understand. Through this process I hope to build respect between my child and the parent.
Emily Broersma // April 3, 2007 at 9:04 pm
I was also spanked as a child; I know I deserved every spanking I got. I definitely think that spanking has its place. I would be okay with abandoning this mindset if I could see some other form of discipline that worked well. The boys that I was a nanny for were not spanked, and were out of control. They had very little discipline in their lives, and “time outs” did absolutely nothing other than give them time to think up a new creative way to “get me back” so to speak. There were so many days when I left their house just wishing I could give them a spanking and send them to bed. Yet I also have seen the other side of spanking where the family went to the extreme and spanked their infant son for trying to crawl out of his high chair. That is a bit ridiculous. I really think there is a fine line with spanking. Sometimes under certain circumstances I think spanking is the only way to help the child learn, but the rest of the time, I’m all for finding other punishments that will teach the child.
Caitlin Hull // April 4, 2007 at 2:38 am
I think that spanking is an important part of discipline, but that the frequency with which it is used varies depending on the child. My parents use various methods of punishment for me and my siblings. There were times when the “thinking chair” would suffice for a punishment, but there were definitely other times when a good spanking was the only way I would learn my lesson. I have witnessed this in other children, as well. I think that there is a point at which most children will need a spanking, but how often spanking should be used depends on how often the child misbehaves and the what the child is being punished for.
Ruthie Plasterer // April 4, 2007 at 3:07 am
I think the child needs to realize spanking is not a violent act towards the child. I think it is wrong when implemented for the wrong reason or out of rage on the behalf of the parent. When in the right context, I think it is a very effective form of punishment and necessary. Kids naturally don’t do what is good and I doubt the effectiveness of simply sitting them in a corner or “grounding” or talking with them. I’d have to see very compelling psychological studies to persuade me not to spank any children God might bless me with.
Michael Schoonover // April 4, 2007 at 6:25 pm
My parents rarely spanked me, in fact I can only think of one time, but this does not mean that my parents did not discipline me. I turned out ok, so I believe that my parents did a good job of correctly disciplining me. I believe that spanking is not the best way to discipline because of both physical and emotional harm, but the kids I know that their parents don’t spank their children are usually spoiled and just not good kids. I guess spanking has its ups and downs, like good is that it keeps kids in control but could possibly do some damage in the long run.
Cassandra Dobutovich // April 4, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Yes, I was spanked as a child, but not all the time. Sometimes I would have to sit in the corner, go to my room or apologize to someone for what I did. I was disciplined in many different ways. Spanking, though, I do remember better than the other disciplines I had. I remember how I didn’t want to be spanked, and if I was I was in big trouble. But the one thing I remember most about being spanked was that after I was, my mom or dad, whoever spanked me, would come into my room, and tell me that they loved me and would ask me if they could give me a hug. I never felt afraid of them or threatened by them in any way. This is not the case for many families, though. I was blessed with a loving family who punished me out of love for my own good, but there are many families who will spank to release their own anger or frustration. It’s a tough call. I don’t think that spanking all together can be limited because of families like mine who did it with love and it wasn’t even that painful, it’s just something that no one wants. It can be a dangerous thing though in the lives of many, and can lead to terrible lives of children. I personally don’t think spanking is wrong, but corporal punishment, severe pain inflicted upon a person repeatedly and numerous times is not right. It’s hard to know where to draw the line.
Kelsey Freed // April 6, 2007 at 12:03 am
I think that spanking is an important method of discipline, but that it should only be used in certain situations. My parents used various methods of punishment for me and my brother. At times putting us in “time-out” was an appropriate punishment, but there were other instances in which being spanked was the most effective way for my brother and me to learn the proper way to behave. I think that most children will need to be spanked sometime. However, I believe that how often spanking should be used depends on what the child is being punished for and should be used in moderation.
Randi Raimer // April 6, 2007 at 6:57 pm
I think that if spanking is used appropriately then it is alright to use as an act of discipline. However, I think that many parents have used spanking inappropiately and therefore have created this huge controversy over spanking. I did a paper on this for comp class and although there are many arguments against spanking I do not think that they adequately support their side. I do think that children can grow up disciplined just as well as one who was spanked. It is all how the parents use spanking as a discipline and whether they use it in an abusive or loving way.
Charissa Rowe // April 6, 2007 at 9:29 pm
I was spanked all of the time as a child, and as you said, I “turned out all right.” I deserved discipline, and I believe that from years 3 to 8, it was the most effective way to discipline me. At that age, children can always find things to amuse themselves, so grounding me from something would not have done a bit of good. Losing privileges is not something that I minded at that age; however, when I was older, spanking didn’t do any good, and grounding me was the best way my parents could punish me. I think that spanking is appropriate, as long as it is not carried to an abusive extreme and if it accomplishes its purpose– to lovingly correct children and show them wisdom. Of course, the key word is “lovingly.” When parents spank, I firmly believe they should tell the children why they are being punished, explain to them how they can avoid punishment in the future, and explain how much they love their children and why punishment is good for them.
Sarah Bresson // April 7, 2007 at 3:36 pm
I was spanked as a child but not all the time. There would instances where I would get a “talking to” or something that I liked to do, taken away. I don’t think that spanking is right/wrong. It is something the parents would need to figure out and to be sure it is what they both agree upon. Also, it is important for the parent to tell the child why they are being spanked and it is a punishment that would not have to be repeated if they obey the next time.
Jihoi Hwang // April 8, 2007 at 2:18 am
Spanking is a controlled form of discipline, not an emotional outburst, or reaction to being angry — that is called hitting.
There is a huge difference between spanking and hitting and those who use spanking as an effective disciplinary measure will have no problem defending the practice.
If spanking is done in love and not anger, I think that it need to grow up my children effectively as ethnic person.
I believe my children will understand that there are consequences for wrong actions.
Christopher Travis // April 8, 2007 at 3:48 am
To answer the big question, I was spanked as a child. However, I acknowledge this form of discipline as one that is very contraversial and arguable on either side. My experience with spanking, involving my own punishment as well as just observing my parents as I have gotten older, has influenced me in such a way that I believe spanking is effective, and I plan on spanking my children when it is truly needed. On the other hand, it is something I think I will struggle with as a father: it will be hard to discipline my children in this way. This is why I believe it is so important to constantly portray love to your children, and explain the reasoning behind punishing them in this way, so that they understand that it is not something that you, as a parent desire to do, and it is only done because you love them and want them to live rightly.
Amanda Beesley // April 9, 2007 at 1:04 am
Spanking is an act of guidance and discipline. I do not believe spanking is wrong. The only time spanking is wrong is when the parent is spanking their child out of anger. I believe that spanking is necessary to bring up a child biblically. I have known a few parents who have not believed in spanking their children and their children have serious behavioral problems. Not spanking is more harmful to your child. You’re not giving them the discipline they need. When spanking is not done the biblical way then that’s where it becomes a problem. A parent is supposed to spank out of love and discipline, not out of anger. I was spanked as a child and I am very thankful that I was. It did not do any emotional damage to me, because my parents spanked me out of love not beat me out of anger.
Ashley Gleichauf // April 9, 2007 at 3:06 am
As many have already stated, discipline often depends on the action and what is necessary. For me, I was never spanked as a child. However, I was one of those children who punished themselves when they got yelled at – it was the worst thing you could do to me. I would basically send myself to my room when I got in trouble. Because of this, I cannot speak from experience on my feelings toward corporal punishment because I never did experience although many of my friends Christian parents whom I greatly respect did use that type of punishment and from what I hear from them, it was, at times necessary.
Amanda Sutton // April 9, 2007 at 4:20 am
The adage from Proverbs, “Spare the rod, spoil the child” is a valid one, because is comes from Scripture. While people may wish to take it figuratively because of personal preference, I know of no reason why it should be taken any way except literally.
I agree that spanking can be harmful, if performed in a spirit of anger, and out of a desire to hurt and even damage a child. However, proper spanking sends a brief painful reminder (that is effective for a child facing temptation later!) that causes no physical damage whatsoever.
Finally, I would have to disagree with Daniel’s statement that to discipline a child with spanking one would need to raise the number of spanks each time in order to produce the desired effect of obedience. This was not the case in my life, or the lives of many other people who have been spanked, I am sure.
The reason for this is that it is indeed punishment. Something that is not effective is yelling. A child learns that his parent is not going to punish him until a certain point has been reached in the yelling process, so he begins to respond at the latest possible point. However, in true punishment (such a spanking) there is a definite consequence, and a child does not need to recieve longer periods of punishment to know that the same disobedience (if performed later) will result in the same unpleasant consequence.
Sarah Hamilton // April 10, 2007 at 12:34 am
I believe that spanking is one method of discipline that can be effective. While I am not against it, I do not prefer it. I think that there are many other more effective methods of discipline. One of the most effective discipline methods would be punishment that relates to the behavior. For example, if a child is late for curfew, then the child should not be allowed to go out for two weeks and then the curfew should be made earlier until the child proves to be trustworthy with it. If a child spends too much time of the computer and not doing homework, the computer should be taken away for two weeks or so, and then computer time should be limited until the child shows enough responsibility with it. I think that in this way, the child is learning proper behavior rather than simply being physically punished for it.
Dani-Rae Morgan // April 10, 2007 at 12:55 am
I do no disagree with spanking children but I do disagree when it comes to spanking all children. Some people believe that the verse in Proverbs means that all children need to be spanked. Some
children will respond just as well to other forms of discipline than if you were to spank them.
Spanking can be a touchy subject in a family. I believe there can be a fine line between spanking your child and abusing your child. If anger is involved in the discipline of your child then I believe it is abuse.
Ryan Hyde // April 10, 2007 at 1:01 pm
I am not against spanking, I was spanked as a child and think it is a good form of punishment. As a very young and very moldable child I can remember spanking helping to mold my actions. When you are young, getting spanked is like the end of the world and you wouldnt dare do anything that you knew you would get spanked for. As you get older spanking definatly loses its luster and is not an effective form of punishment. So I think that for each age you have to find a punishment that will deter your child from behaving in such a way again. You also have to talk to your child afterwards and explain to them why what they did was wrong.
Stacie Peden // April 11, 2007 at 12:10 am
I am not against spanking, I was spanked as a child and I think that it was probably a good thing. I think today to many people are scare to spank their children because they don’t want to be looked at as abusing their children. I think there is a correct way to go about spanking. I think that people now days don’t spank their children enough. Today children all seem to lack discipline. Spanking is good while the child is young, and you should make sure you tell the child why he or she is in trouble as well. When you get older spanking does not work so that is when you start using other forms of discipline like grounding you child. Discipline is important and I think all parents need some form of it.
Justine Ross // April 11, 2007 at 3:41 am
Personally, I think that it totally depends on the child. One child may handle it fine and it may be just what the kid needs to learn that what they ddi was wrong but other kids may be totally upset and horrified by it. For my brother, it was a joke, for me, it worked but for my sister it was traumatizing. I don’t think it is wrong and i definitely, from personal experience don’t think that it is not effective but it definitely depends on the kid.
Caleb Barton // April 11, 2007 at 2:16 pm
There is a right way and a wrong way to spank. If you spank a child out of anger or frustration that is the same thing as just socking them in the stomach because they do not understand why they are being punished. If you go to a child and lovingly explain to them what they did wrong, why it is wrong, and that there are consequences for what they did I feel that this can be an affective means of raising a child. There are also many other ways of punishing children that can have the same affect. As a parent I hope to instill in my children the ability to know what is wrong and write without having to spank them, but if I deem that it is necessary I am not against using that form of punishment as long as I approach it in the right manner.